


Awkward Furt Moments

by mariaco790



Category: Glee
Genre: Bonding, Dialogue-Only, Family, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-07
Updated: 2014-05-09
Packaged: 2018-01-23 22:56:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1582451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mariaco790/pseuds/mariaco790
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Three part dialogue fic putting Finn and Kurt in awkward situations.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Glee.

"This is all your fault."

"How is it my fault?"

"Finn, for as long as we both shall live; it will always be your fault."

"That's a bit harsh."

"I think its fine, considering the circumstances."

"Dude, it's not that bad."

"Finn, we are trapped in a freaking closet!"

"I'm sorry okay! How was I to know the door doesn't open from the inside?"

"Why did you bring me in here anyway?"

"I wanted to show you something funny."

"Well, what is it?"

"Look at this toilet cleaning stuff; it's called 'Poo Away!' Isn't that hilarious? I think it's Japanese or something."

"..."

"..."

"YOU BROUGHT ME HERE FOR THAT?"

"You don't think that's funny?"

"NO FINN, I DO NOT THINK THAT IT IS FUNNY!"

"Alright I'm sorry, jeez stop shouting, you're hurting my ears."

"Oh, you're lucky that's all I'm hurting. I can't get any reception on my cell, can you?"

"No, but its fine, Puck knows we're in here. I told him I was showing you this stuff."

"Puck knows we're locked in here?"

"Well he knows I was taking you here, when I don't get back to him, I'm sure he'll come looking for us."

"I wouldn't hold your breath Finn."

"Why not?"

"Can you imagine what it would be like if you thought Puck was locked in a Janitors' closet? What would you do?"

"Are you kidding, I'd think it was hilarious and probably leave him in there for a few hou- Oh, right."

"And he catches on."

"We're going to be here for a while, aren't we?"

"Better get comfortable, dear brother."

"What are you doing?"

"Sitting down."

"On an upturned mop bucket?"

"Better that than the floor."

"Well where am I gonna sit?

"Pick a spot."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Kurt?"

"Yes?"

"It's hot in here."

"Two people in a confined space without proper air ventilation, of course it's hot in here Finn, and it's only going to get worse."

"Hang on, no air ventilation? Does that mean we're gonna suffocate?"

"No, Finn. I highly doubt we will suffocate, but it probably will get a little toasty in here."

"Oh, well that's alright. Heat I can handle, lack of air, not so much."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"I'm hungry."

"You're always hungry."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Aren't you hot?"

"Not really. Some of those outfits that I wear are a little uncomfortable, too tight or too itchy and so on. As a result my body has been trained to operate at unpleasant temperatures. I can barely notice this heat."

"If those clothes are so uncomfortable, then why do you keep wearing them?"

"I'm going to pretend you didn't say that. You know I can't live without my labels."

"You're weird."

"And you're ignorant of taste."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Finn what are you doing?"

"Taking off my shirt, what does it look like I'm doing?"

"Yes Finn I see that, but why?"

"Cos it's like a million degrees in here man."

"It's really not that bad."

"Yeah maybe not for you, we're not all lizards."

"Lizards?"

"Well yeah, lizards live in warm places. They prefer the heat. You prefer the heat, ergo, you're a lizard."

"Ergo? I wasn't aware you knew what that word means."

"Rachel got me a word-a-day calendar. It's starting to come in handy."

"And yet the dictionary I got you last year is being used to prop up your video games. Thirty dollars well spent."

"Dude that thing is freakin' enormous. It'll take me like ten years to read it."

"Then I suggest you get started."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Okay, I'm freaking melting here. Are you seriously telling me you this heat doesn't bother you?"

"Well, I have to admit, I'm starting to notice it now."

"Then loosen up your shirt or something."

"Finn, it took me forty-five minutes to put on this outfit this morning. I actually had to sew myself into it. It'll probably take just as much work to take it off."

"Well I need to do something."

"It better not be what I think it is."

"Which is?"

"Removing your pants."

"Dude my legs are on fire! These jeans are practically burning them."

"I don't care. You are not shedding any more clothing."

"But Kurt!"

"But nothing, we are still on school grounds remember."

"It's four thirty, there's no-one here!"

"Tough."

"Kuuuuurrrrttt."

"FINE!"

"Thank you so much."

"..."

"..."

"Ahh, that's much better."

"Power Rangers Finn? Really?"

"Hey shut up! These are my favourite boxers; I've had them for years."

"Clearly, look at the state of them. Remind me to burn them for you later."

"No! I love these things!"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Kurt, can I ask you something?"

"I swear Finn; if you want to take off those disgusting underpants I will squirt that toilet cleaner in your eyes. I have to draw the line somewhere."

"No not that, but good to know."

"Then what did you want to ask."

"It's kinda personal."

"Finn, you're lying two feet away from me in your underwear, I think we've crossed personal."

"Well..."

"Yes Finn? Spit it out?"

"It's just, how come I've never seen you without a shirt on?"

"Excuse me?"

"In all the time we've been brothers, and even before, I don't think I've ever seen you shirtless. Like even when we were on the football team together, you always stayed as covered up as possible in the locker room."

"And this bothers you?"

"No, I just it weird."

"Weird?"

"Yeah, you never ever have your shirt off. Like when we went to the lake last summer, you even went swimming in a top."

"Well Finn, if you must know. I'm very self-conscious about my body. I don't like revealing myself to people, unless I absolutely have to, like at the doctor."

"Yeah I guess I can understand that. I used to be weird about my body last year."

"How'd you get over it?"

"Walked down the hallway in my underwear."

"Ohh, so that's why you did that. I always wondered. You know, it's a miracle you weren't suspended."

"Well Figgins isn't the best principal, Mr. Shue talked him out of it."

"Anyway, needless to say, I won't be doing that anytime soon."

"Yeah I wouldn't advise it. But I don't see why you you're so uptight about it, surely finding Blaine has caused you too loosen up a bit."

"Can we drop this?"

"..."

"..."

"Bet Blaine's seen."

"Well he's my boyfriend, Finn. And it took me a long time to build up the courage to show him."

"I just think, out of all the people who should see you without a shirt on, I should be one of them."

"Why?"

"Because it's like a normal thing between brothers to see each other like that. I mean look at me, I'm lying at your feet in my underwear."

"Finn, we haven't been brothers that long, it's not like we grew up together. And how do you know that? You were an only child for seventeen years."

"I see on TV, or when I visit my cousins in Chicago, they see each other like that all the time."

"Alright, so I'm a little bit of a prude, now we can we please change the topic."

"Okay, I'm sorry."

"..."

"..."

"Heh, heh."

"What's so funny Finn?"

"Well, it's like I said, I'm lying at your feet in my underwear."

"Yes, and I'm doing my very best not to burn my eyes out with the chemicals in this room."

"It's just, two years ago, the sight of me like this, would've driven you wild."

"Oh my God!"

"Back then I felt awkward if we stood too close, and yet now I have no trouble stripping off in front of you."

"It's called growth Finn, now must you remind me of that time?"

"What? I think it's funny."

"Well I was an idiot back then. I made a lot of mistakes, or have you forgotten my Mellencamp phase."

"Forgotten it? Are you kidding? I took tons of pictures, I plan on showing everyone them when I make my best man speech."

"Best man speech?"

"Yeah, that's right. It's going to be hilarious."

"Finn, you are aware that I'm not getting married, right?"

"Yeah but you will someday. And when it comes, I'll have to make a best man toast, and embarrass the hell out of you."

"What makes you think you're going to be my best man when I get married?"

"Well who else are you going to ask? I'm your closest guy friend and your big brother."

"Finn I'm three months older than you, and I believe I have a say in if I want my step-brother to be my best man or not."

"I don't like that word."

"What word?"

"Step-brother."

"Well Finn, that's what we are, my father married your mother, that makes us step-brothers."

"Yeah I know, but I don't like the 'step' part. It's like trying it's trying to distance itself. Like we aren't really brothers, you know? And I don't know what I'd do if we weren't brothers. You and Burt are like the best things that have ever happened to me."

"..."

"..."

"That's really sweet Finn."

"Thanks."

"And don't worry, I won't tell Rachel that you think I'm the best thing that ever happened to you and not her."

"Uh thanks, I appreciate that."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"How long have we been in here?"

"About an hour."

"My God I'm gonna kill Puck."

"Get in line."

"I'm hungry, so so hungry. I'd kill for some pizza right now. And I'm hot, so very very hot. Look at me, I'm covered in sweat."

"I see that, perhaps you'd like a squeegee to wipe it all off."

"I know you're joking, but that actually doesn't sound like a bad idea."

"What's that noise?"

"Probably the sound of my stomach eating itself."

"There's someone coming."

"Really?"

"Hey! We're in trapped in the closet!"

"Oh, Hummel, the amount of jokes I could make with statement."

"Puckerman, you let us out of here right now, or I swear to God I will make your death as painful and as bloody as possible."

"Alright, calm down fairy, I'm opening the door now."

"..."

"What the HELL took you so long?"

"I thought it would be fun to let you two stew in there. Hudson, where are your clothes?"

"It was hot in there."

"I'm sure it was, all that sex you guys were probabl-"

"PUCK!"

"Alright, I'm shutting my mouth, just like I'm sure you did after you sucked -"

"GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!"

"Alright, I'm going. Later homos."

"..."

"..."

"Finn why are you friends that guy?"

"I don't know, convenience?"

"..."

"Hey Kurt?"

"Yes?"

"I really am sorry about all this."

"I know Finn. And I suppose it really wasn't that bad. I mean I could have been locked in there with Puck."

"Yeah, that would have sucked."

"..."

"..."

"Hey Finn?"

"Yeah?"

"What do you say we go get some pizza?"

"Awesome dude! I knew I loved you."

"Finn stop hugging me, and put some damn clothes on!"

"Oh, sorry."

 

To Be Continued...


	2. Chapter 2

"Kurt?"

"What?"

"Are you awake?"

"I'll let you figure that one out."

"Yes?"

"Well done Finn, now what do you want, I'm trying to sleep. DON'T TURN ON THAT LIGHT!"

"Sorry dude, I forgot you like the dark."

"I only like the dark at night-time, you know, when I'm trying to sleep. Now, is there a reason you've come in here?"

"I had a nightmare."

"It was just a dream Finn, it's not real."

"..."

"Was there something else?"

"Can I stay with you?"

"What?"

"Can I sleep in here with you tonight?"

"No Finn! You cannot stay in here with me. You're 18 years old; you can handle a bad dream."

"But Kurt it was really scary! What if it happens again?"

"..."

"Kurt!"

"..."

"Kuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrtt!"

"Fine! Get in."

"Thanks Kurt."

"..."

"..."

"Finn?"

"Yes?"

"Why are you spooning me?"

"That's what people do when they share beds."

"That's what couples do when they share a bed. We aren't a couple."

"We're a couple of people."

"Finn get off me."

"Fine."

"..."

"..."

"It's cold in here."

"It's winter in Ohio Finn, of course it's cold in here."

"Yeah, but my room is warmer than this."

"Well, your room is smaller than mine, so it stays warm longer."

"Which isn't fair by the way."

"We flipped a coin. I won, I got the bigger room, it was perfectly fair."

"..."

"Your sheets smell weird."

"That's because, unlike yours, they're clean."

"..."

"Kurt?"

"What?"

"Can I spoon you again?"

"What?"

"Well I'm cold, and you practically radiate heat. And besides, it was kinda nice."

"..."

"Is that a yes?"

"Yes, but only as long as it isn't that awkward."

"Awesome bro, just pretend I'm Blaine or something."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"Well Blaine is smaller than I am. I'm usually the one holding him."

"Well then now's your chance to be the little spoon for a change."

"You really are just an overgrown teddy bear, aren't you?"

"..."

"..."

"Your pyjamas feel weird."

"They're silk Finn."

"Well I don't like them; they make my skin feel odd."

"And what do you want me to do about that?"

"Take them off."

"What?"

"And get changed, don't you have like an old t-shirt or something you can wear instead."

"What do you think?"

"Right, forgot who I was talking to. Well here, wear mine."

"What?"

"You can wear my shirt, and I'll just do without."

"Finn, you were just complaining that it was cold ten minutes ago."

"Yeah, but you're like a human fireplace or something, I'll just share your heat."

"Finn, put your shirt back on."

"I know you're weird about your body, and I know it's already dark in here, but I'll close my eyes while you change."

"You are impossible Finn."

"..."

"..."

"Why are you getting out of bed?"

"Finn, your eyes!"

"Are closed, I felt the bed shift."

"Oh, well I had to fold my pyjama top, now hand me that shirt, and it had better be clean."

"It is."

"God Finn, this thing is enormous."

"Just hurry up and put it on."

"..."

"..."

"There, that feels much better. I was freezing while you had gone, still kinda am."

"I know Finn; I can feel your nipples poking through the shirt."

"Oh, sorry."

"It's alright."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"So how is it being the little spoon?"

"It's interesting. It feels very -"

"Safe?"

"Yes."

"Good."

"..."

"..."

"Finn did you just smell my hair?"

"Coconuts?"

"Finn!"

"Alright sorry, it just smells like Rachel's hair."

"That's because we use the same conditioner, I recommended it to her. Now please don't sniff my hair, this whole situation is awkward enough."

"Sorry, won't happen again."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Kurt, did you just moan?"

"What? No I didn't."

"Yes you did!"

"Did not!"

"Oh just come clean, you're loving this."

"You're delusional Finn, you're hearing things."

"Just admit it; you just love being pressed up against my big bare chest, wrapped up in my big muscular arms."

"It's...not awful."

"Kurt?"

"Alright fine, I'm enjoying this okay, you happy now?"

"Yup."

"I think we finally found a practical use for your immense size."

"Ha-ha, whatever dude. Now hush, and snuggle closer.

"Finn, are we sure you aren't the gay one in the family."

"Hey, I just like cuddling alright?"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Finn?"

"..."

"Finn wake up!"

"Whassamatter?"

"That better not be what I think it is poking me in the ass!"

"..."

"Finn?"

"Oops."

"Finn that's disgusting! Get off of me!"

"I'm sorry!"

"Either sleep on that side of the bed, or get the hell out of my room."

"I'm sorry! I'm tired, my body's confused, and it thinks you're Rachel!"

"What?"

"Well you're roughly the same size, and you smell kinda similar and -"

"I think I'm gonna throw up."

"Why? I thought you liked Rachel now."

"FOR THE OTHER REASON FINN!"

"Okay, I'm sorry! Jeez, it was an accident; I didn't do it on purpose."

"Just go to sleep Finn."

"..."

"..."

"Kurt?"

"What Finn?"

"I really am sorry."

"I know Finn."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Kurt?"

"Yes?"

"I'm cold again."

"No, Finn."

"Oh come on, you admitted you liked it, and I promise it won't happen again."

"Fine, come over, but you better stay in better control this time, because if 'little Finn' makes another appearance, I'm chopping him off."

"You're awesome Kurt, have I ever told you that?"

"Go to sleep Finn."

"..."

"..."

"Uh Kurt, just so you know, 'little Finn' isn't really all that little."

"Finn?"

"Right, shutting up."

"..."

"..."

"Goodnight Kurt."

"Goodnight Finn."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Finn?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm keeping this shirt."

"I figured you might."

 

To be continued...


	3. Chapter 3

"Kurt, let me in!"

"Go away Finn, I'm in the bath."

"But Kurt I need to pee! And the other bathroom is being redone!"

"I don't care Finn, just hold it in."

"..."

"FINN GET OUT!"

"I'll only be a minute, I'm dying to go!

"Finn, I'm naked here."

"Relax, I can't see you underneath that mountain of bubbles. Seriously Kurt? Is all that really necessary?"

"Yes Finn. Now get out."

"In a sec, just give me a minute."

"I hate you sometimes."

"..."

"What's taking so long?"

"Well I can't go if someone's watching me."

"I'm not watching you Finn."

"Just face the wall."

"..."

"There, done. Have fun with your bath."

"Finn?"

"Yeah?"

"Wash your hands."

"Sorry, forgot."

"..."

"Now get out."

"..."

"What was that noise?"

"Umm, don't get mad."

"Finn..."

"It's just, the door is well..."

"Spit it out Finn."

"It's kinda stuck."

"What? Well pull it harder."

"Yeah I'm trying, I think it's jammed."

"Oh, I swear, I will kill you."

"It's not my fault! It's the stupid doors fault."

"I don't care, I'm blaming you. Are you sure you can't get it open?"

"It isn't moving."

"Great, so we're stuck in here until Dad or Carole gets home, which could be hours away."

"..."

"Finn, why are you laughing?"

"It's just, this has happened before, both of us locked in a room, one of us without clothes."

"Yes, but you voluntarily stripped off because you apparently can't deal with a little heat. I however am in a bath, and was in a bath before you so rudely interrupted thanks to your tiny bladder."

"That closet was like a freaking sauna, I had to do something or I would've burst into flames."

"Unlikely."

"And it's not my fault that you decided to take an extra long bath when you knew we had only one bathroom for the week."

"I've had a stressful day, hence the bubbles. And you're only adding to the stress."

"Sorry."

"Yeah, that sounded sincere."

"Well what do you want me to say, 'Oh Kurt, I'm so deeply sorry for needing to use the bathroom. It is entirely my fault that I interrupted your personal relaxation for my own selfish needs.' "

"It'd be a start."

"..."

"Wow Finn, I didn't know you were capable of pulling off a good glare. Bravo."

"I've been getting looks like that from you for the last two years, I just copied what I saw."

"Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery."

"Dude, what? I'm not coming on to you."

"That's the first thing your brain goes to? Wow Finn, I really do worry for you."

"Oh shut up."

"..."

"..."

"Your bubbles are popping."

"Oh no, pass me the bubble bath."

"You mean this empty bottle in the trash? I think you used it all bro."

"Of course I did, why is this my life?"

"You're running out of bubbles, you haven't been struck by a meteor or anything."

"Why a meteor?"

"Watched Armageddon last night."

"Ah."

"My point is, bubbles popping isn't really that big of a deal."

"It is to me."

"Is this that whole weird body thing you have?"

"It's not weird Finn, we've been over this, now hush."

"..."

"..."

"Finn, why are you still laughing."

"It's funny. In about ten minutes, when all your bubbles have gone, I'm finally going to see you without a shirt on, and probably a lot more than that."

"Congratulations Finn, you must be so pleased. You know I'm starting to think you planned this whole thing in some perverted quest to catch me. Are you sure you aren't gay?"

"Positive, and I'm not that smart dude."

"True. But you are motivated."

"It's just fair, you've seen me without a shirt countless times, I should get to see you at least once. And I'll get to see the rest of you as well, and as you haven't seen the rest of me yet, I'll have the upper hand."

"It's not a competition Finn. And besides, I've already seen you naked."

"What? When?"

"A few weeks ago. You really need to lock your door when you decide to, um, 'have some private time'."

"Oh God."

"Yeah."

"How much did you see? And why didn't you knock?"

"I saw enough. And I did knock, you didn't answer, you had your headphones on and were too busy immersed in your 'activity' to notice me. But don't worry as soon as I realised what was going on, I promptly left and went to carve out my eyes with a blunt knife."

"..."

"Wow Finn, your face is turning a marvellous shade of red."

"..."

"Finn?"

"Well that settles it; I have to see you know. Stand up."

"Grow up Finn."

"..."

"Finn don't you dare come any closer or I will squirt this bottle of shampoo in your eyes."

"No you won't, that shampoo costs like 100 bucks, you love it too much."

"...You know me too well."

"Come on Kurt, it'll be painless."

"Back off Frankenteen. Go sit over there, try and open the door."

"..."

"..."

"Huh..."

"What, Finn?"

"I fixed the door."

"How?"

"Used a toothbrush as a screwdriver."

"How did that even work? It's plastic, and the wrong shape."

"I don't know, maybe it likes me."

"Yes Finn, the door 'likes you'. Throw me a towel so we can get out of here."

"You mean I finally get to see?"

"Throw me a towel, Finn, and then turn around."

"Alright calm down, here you go."

"..."

"..."

"You out yet?"

"Yes."

"Good."

"..."

"Impressive dude."

"Come again?"

"It's just, I don't know why you hide away. You've actually got a pretty good body."

"Thank you, Finn. Now get out of my way, so I can go to my room and forget this whole debacle."

"Uh uh, no way."

"Excuse me?"

"Drop the towel."

"What?"

"Drop the towel, show the goods, and I'll let you out."

"Again with the gay stuff, Finn. Should I take you out for a night in Scandals, get you a little man-lovin'."

"It's not gay stuff, it's guy stuff."

"I'm confused."

"Guys see each other in the showers all the time. Everyone has seen everyone else. You've seen me, but I haven't seen you."

"We aren't in the showers."

"There's a shower not two feet from where we're standing."

"Doesn't count Finn."

"But we agreed, you've seen mine, it's only fair I get to see yours."

"There was no agreement Finn, stop making things up. Now move!"

"How about we do it this way. You can show me now, or I can wait until Blaine comes over and I'll 'accidentally' stumble in on one of your so called 'study sessions.' "

"I really hate you Finn, but fine. If it'll stop this ridiculous behaviour, then I'll do it."

"For 10 seconds."

"1 second."

"5 seconds."

"1 second."

"2 seconds?"

"Done."

"..."

"..."

"There, happy now? I've just humiliated myself in front of you. I feel like a piece of meat, or like I'm on display in the zoo. But whatever, as long you get what you want."

"..."

"Finn?"

"..."

"Finn, what's wrong?"

"..."

"Finn, you're scaring me! What is it?"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"You're bigger than me."

 

THE END.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Let me know what you think in the reviews. 'Furt' was my favourite pairing on the show, and they just didn't show enough of Kurt and Finn acting all brotherly. Anyway, thanks for reading!


End file.
